Confessing about obsessing.

I think I may need to see someone…get a bit of professional help…I have a slight, um, well, a slight fetish for something in the kitchen…

WHAT? Oh really. Not that. That’s far from hygienic. No, this is a pervading and genuine love for…spoons. Yes. Spoons.

There. It’s out. (That was easier than I thought). I have an obsession with spoons.

Firstly, let’s contemplate just how many different types of spoon there are: serving, salt, tea, Apostle (a traditional christening gift), soup, honey, caviar, table, dessert, slotted, and coronation. Yes. Coronation. There are historical reports of medieval coronation ceremonies being conducted with, that most pleasing type of cutlery, spoons. Material enough for a Monty Python sketch, surely?!

This myriad of different types may indicate just how useful spoons are – why would cultures have developed so many versions of the same shape if not because they acknowledged how utilitarian spoons are.  Aside from cutting through very hard or dense objects, I believe I could happily devour most meals armed only with a spoon. Soup – easy. Cereal – no problem. Toast – well, you could spread the butter with the back of the spoon, and then slice the toast (roughly) with the side. Pasta – fine. Rice – easier than chopsticks. Steak – ok, I’ll give it to you. That’s a tough one. Ribs, chops or roast – ditto. Fish, however, you’re mine. Vegetables – yes, mine too.

All in all, I’d manage most things very happily with a sssssppppoooooooon.

And there’s another thing that gets me going about spoons. That word, their name. Say it out loud. “Spoon”. Isn’t that sound pleasing to the ear? Doesn’t the word just pop through your lips, caressing them on its way, allowing them gently to close around its end… now, say it with force, and louder. “SPOON”. That feels satisfying, doesn’t it? You can really get your breath behind the “sp” and out shoots the ‘OOOOOOOON’, surprising you and everyone around you, exploding into the space in all its SPLENDID…splendour. The longer you hold on to the “ssssssssssspp”, the louder and more forceful the “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON” is, like a hungry child finally breaking through the tuck-shop melee at lunch to gain first place in line. And if you’re feeling really fruity, try putting a “schp” into it. SCHHHHHHHPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOONN. Now that is just the ticket to having me rolling around with laughter and joy.

The Boy regularly gets “spoons” and schpoons” in his face. He’s used to it now.

On a recent walk during my lunch break, I found myself perusing a local antiques market at which three stalls were displaying selections of spoons – some sets of 6 or 8, others simply one-offs, or larger serving spoons, all of them different styles and ages. I walked, beatifically, from stand to stand just observing their understated majesty . The silver set of butter knives were graceful, but the four Celtic-designed salt spoons more so. The bone-handled bread knife was impressive, but the crooked, mottled and tarnished dessert spoon struck my eye more.

And now, let’s take a moment to think about the shape. The round ‘bowl’ head, mirroring in shape, by and large, the vessel from which this most humble of items will dive into, like a culinary Tom Daley. It’s a well-known fact that curvilinear forms are received in our psyche as more relaxing and comforting than their rectilinear counterparts. Whilst rectilinear forms impart a sense of order and control, which in itself can be comforting, curvilinear forms convey a sense of calm stability, reassuring continuity and harmonious tranquillity.

Be it perfectly round, slightly wonky, or elliptical, large, miniature or just right, spoons are immensely pleasing to the eye. Next time you are about to hurriedly shovel in those Shreddies, or scoop up pillows of cappuccino foam, take a micro-pause to appreciate the shape before your eyes. Love its curves, love its bump, love its shine - for that way, young Jedi, the spoon will love you in return.